I should post more often here.
But by the time I write in my written journal, post on my family blog (so they will stop bugging me) and try and think of something cool to say here, I have lost all wish to post at all.

I miss being able to write for days, about everything, about anything.

I miss being able to write poetry.
You'd think I would be able to more then ever, with all these 'experiences' and things, but my minds a total blank.

Still, sucks to be you.

'nother song

Just trust my lust its like a high school crush,
sometimes akward much to offer turquoise aqua
Mad Child talkn’ nice,cherry pepsi cola ice
face her lips control my life,eyes look beautiful tonight
I’ll get through to you so fun,

One heart some of them break some of them broke mine time won’t wait,
fatal attraction loss of breath major distraction lots of stress,
we differant, you discovered me,
made me unselfish help me understand why I left the girls helpless,
scorpio evil private nature
I’ll let you inside no signs of danger

(Jakalope)
I start to press my skin to you I'm craving it
I'm feeling you
Will you relieve me fast
Feast your eyes on my display
Take control
Fall over me
Cover me in ecstasy
Let me ride to heaven
Let me feel the swelling
Oh let me concentrate
I can feel it
When I taste life and when
I breathe
Crawling inside of me baby
Oh oh oh

(Mad Child)
I said run its no fun to be my only one cause,
I’m mean when I drink im like a loaded gun,
you don’t want me to buy you diamond and pony,
make me stay at home make you feel like you own me,
don’t pat my back that’s phony im not
Mr. Nice Guy truth hurts cuts like a knife right,
runnin for your life that’s my final announcement or you can hang around and I can pay for counclin

Control freak speak in dialect twist and contort bend back that's perfect,
hold on slow song pump the speaker box, body language slang and
I could read your thoughts, face of an angel don’t make this painful,
beautiful exchange the night is graceful, wait til the sun come up then repeat it,
Prev make you curious I know you can feel it

etc.

Guess I better post in this to keep my archives in order and whatnot.
I have an austrian blog for family and whatnot, this one will still remain for things not suitable for widespread family and friend knowledge.

I have this song (to be posted) stuck in my head, so much so that I grabbed my ipod, took the dog and went for a walk in the fields so I could belt it out without anyone hearing me. I woulda dunnit in the house, but Benedikt was watching television.

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life

I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

Let down your defences
Use no common sense
If you look you will see that this world is a beautiful accident, turbulent succulent opulent permanent, no way
I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh my self to sleep
It's my lullaby

Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
Is it enough?Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.oh
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

I like it, I like it, I like it.
Really I do.

Aaaaaarrrroooonnn. I need two songs from you. As I am desperately craving to listen to them.
One of them is called Believe, I think, and the other is that Susie Q, or Stacie or whatnot.

But, I cant get them from you until you are online. Go online.

Great, Now I'm sad.

So, all was going good today.
Saw my close friends, said goodbye.
Hung out at the mall, saw Norm.

Oh, yeah, Norm: Awesome guy. Friend. Man guy, guy, man, yeah... (REFERENCE ALERT)

Anywho, then I get home, we check messages (phone..)
And I have two messages from Austria.
TWO.
One from my host sister I believe, and one from my mom.
So, that made me all happy.
So I email her, cause she needed information.
Her being the mum.

And my mom's like "hey lets call"
Well, she said she was going to have a bath first.
So I'm all like, k.
ANYWHO.
I get into a pretty good conversation with friends, that I'm going to miss terribly.
Then the phone number doesnt' work, so she takes over the computer for almost an hour looking up ways (with no success) on how to call there.
When she could of just used the operator.
But apparently I wasn't allowed to.

So, then I FINALLY get back online, and everyone's gone.
And one of the conversations was one of those deep sorta ones.

So now I'm sad.

Other then that, I leave tomorrow night for Vancouver.
Then Friday I'm on the plane(s).

I got my hair did too.
Don't think I've mentioned that here.
It's red/brown with blonde highlights.
Ya, I know, I went blonde.
Please don't hit me too much.

Today, I got sat on.
By a Logan.
Fucking Hoser.
Sheesh he makes me uncomfortable.

I also had a bum come up to me and mumble at me for a good 45 minutes.
I just sorta nodded my head, and tried to understand him.
I understood the "Do you have a smoke" part, but the rest was...
a little over a murmur.

Now I just want to crawl into a corner with a big thick blanket and sorta go numb.

Sheesh I hate these feelings.

Girl, put your records on

Tell me your favourite song...etc.

Good song.

Anywho, So, I guess I haven't really updated in a while.

I fly to Klagenfurt Austria. I live in Villach, Austria.

I have a "boyfriend". His name is Trevor.

So, in thinking about this, I realize I've only ever dated minorities.
Which isn't a bad thing at all.

See, it breaks down like this:

First "boyfriend" - Korean
Second " " - Black (African american if you want to be "politically correct" (What a load of bull))
Third - Native (Native american, politically correctness...)

Oi, the third one be Trevor.

So yeah, now that's a good enough update right?

My birthday is on the 30th. Of this month.

Logans was today. His mother thought it awfully considerate that I remembered.
I didn't know that most people forgot things related to friends.
Then again, we're on the fritz. Though she doesn't know that.
That I know of.

It's impossible to hate Doug French. Though, occasionally you can hate Keegan. Which, are one in the same.

I haven't been writing lately. Except pages of questions to ask rotary people and contact information.

My mom's finally realizing that I'm leaving, and it's for a whole year, and she can't sleep properly.

I'm dead tired too, and as well, can't sleep.

I still miss talking to Aaron.

Paperage

Sooo.

I've been in the paper 4 times since last year.

4.

That's more then some people are in it in a lifetime.

Go me.

But not really. Well, yeah, go me.

I still have more paperwork for Austria to go, bu-ut, they just keep finding more and it's getting really frustrating because they keep changing their minds about which ones I need to do and whatnot. Also, I have to send it all to a translator and get it notarized but I can't because apparently the organization (thomas Cook Travel) Screwed up AGAIN.

Gr.

p.s. I am supposed to leave August 11th for Klagenfurt, Austria.

G

+)

There's a beauty in the breakdown
A method to the madness
Watch as she puts on her wedding gown
Did you see her sadness?

A future locked in happiness
What more could she want
But this future is caged, and lacks finesse
She's nothing more then a beauty to flaunt.

Her hero took of his mask,
Became the devil of her dreams
Showed his self at last
Too late in the silence she screams.

Soo:
-Work was busy today.
-My knee hurts like whoa mans.
-Got a raise at work, start full time on tuesday sweet deal eh?
-Have family over till sunday.
-Did I mention my knee hurts?
-Got some Frou Frou stuck in my head.
-I'm ok with that.
-My mp3 player's busted.
-Not ok with that.
-I'm missing people like crazy
-And other's not so much.
-I'll be in the paper Saturday.
-I'm buying new shoes tomorrow.
-Still need to buy a camera.
-Apparently, I'm impressing everyone around me lately.
-Someone at work asked me what planet I was from today.
-Guess it's evident I don't really belong here.

Oh, right, this still exists.

So, lately I've been kinda quasi-busy.
But not really.
(Psst. Aaron, Korey, Cody, Linds, I miss actually talking to you.)

Past random coupla days:

Tuesday: Went to the movies with Cass and Vanessa.
They = drunk/stoned.
Entertainment value = ***** (Five stars.)
Then: Hung out with Trevor, Cass, Vanessa, Cat, Desiree, Mike, Jake 1, Jake 2, Bev, And (eww.) April.
Then: Trevor asked me to kiss him. Pfft, no, I'm fine thanks. (Though, the boy is Fine.)
Bu-ut, fine or not, he was stoned. Totally ripped.
To the point where he didn't remember what happened tuesday when we talked wednesday.

Yeah, then I worked around home wednesday.
Then, Thursday I worked at my job.
Then Cass came over.
We were up almost all night (She was like, sick.)
Then we woke up at 6:15 today, because we had to open the store with my mom.
Then we rode the busses and walked in the malls all day.
Then we went to the beach.
Laughed at people who think they can play soccer.
Yeah.....

Oh, and a little adorable cat has been following me and Cass around for two days while we're at the beach and the school, and today it attacked a dog out of the blue.

Just walked up to it and it's owner and jumped at its' face.
0.o Poor puppy.

Other then that, Monday, a reporter is coming to my house and doing a full article about me for the paper.

And last wednesday night I had to go to the legion to pic up a 1500 dollar bursary they gave me.

Oh, and I'm having a mini family reunion on the thirtieth of this month.

'Nuff of an update?

Something I wrote oh so long ago.

I'm one of the tallest people in my "group" of friends. Except for the boys, almost all the boys are taller.
I'm messed up in that whole "relationship" thing. I just am.
I'm going to be an exchange student next school year, Austria folks.
I'm random, because I like being so. I choose songs by using numbers parrallel to the first letter in the name listed. Then make friends randomly choose when I don't know what to listen to.

Accents are ultimately the coolest thing on the earth. effin' orgasmic. I assure you, it's a girl thing. But not all accents mind you. Just british, spanish, quebecquois, and .. austrailian.
Dying my hair is becoming a habit. But I think I've settled on a colour. I like it.
I'm a klutz, and clumsy, or whatever else fits into that category.I fall up stairs, scrape my knees on invisible objects, find random scars, and slam fingers into doors repeatedly. Absent minded about limbs.
My mind moves too fast for my functions. I'm not able to type all I want to type fast enough, which makes me forget half of it.
If my mind gets bored, it starts day dreaming, whether I want it to or not.
I've had my webcam for christmas and just found out how to take pictures today.
I talk to my cats, and they talk back.
I ask forgiveness from walls and other such non living things when I run into them. Or I tell them off.
I'm really into photography, and architecture, and medicine, and psychology.
I figure if I study psychology long enough, I'll have no problem spelling all words with "psychsdhjjkdfh" in them. Because I have serious problems.
Apparently, I'm caramilk, and I have that whole "Quit with the bullshit" attitude. Go me.
I chicken out of things I shouldn't do that don't cause harm, and don't back down from things I should.
I'm contemplating becoming mute.
Which means I'd have to quit both choir and Jazz choir, but what's a few credits?
I'd be all like that kid a couple years back that just corresponded with emails, even to his parents.
I've been compared to Superman, and Aaron is unknowingly Spiderman. I informed him.
I like Aarons collar, a lot, it owns mine. But hey, I'll get it from him one day.
And apparently I have no friends that live close to me, or at least, no friends that feel like being friends at the current moment.
Anywho, I don't know what else to say other then... Update soon?

Oh my. Oh my oh my oh my...

There was a large amount of amazingly adorable guys at my work today.
They just kept appearing.
It was like ... "OH WOW" x3.
Cause three of them stood out.

The Boyz (Heck yes):

Le Quebecquois:
-Around... late 20's?
-French accent. Well, quebecquois accent. Even better, trust me.
-Light brown hair, energetic blue eyes.
-One of those smiles that just forces you to smile.
-Hooooooootttttttttt
-And, amazingly intelligent!

Car tinker-er:
-Around... early 20's?
-No accent.
-Dark brown hair, dark eyes.
-Little bit rough looking
-Nice smile
-Smart
-Totally adorable.

Max:
-Oh wow oh wow oh wow.
-He's 19
-And a twin.
-Smart, shy-ish
-Works for his mom
-Middle brown ish hair.
-Beautiful eyes.
-Oh wow oh wow oh wow.

So yeah, Now, if Marshall had come in, I would of like... died of over exposure of adorable boys.

It goes like this, on a list of the four, excluding everyone else in the world.

Marshall
Max
Le Quebecquois
Car tinker-er

Oh wow oh wow oh wow.

Aww damn, now I wanna see marshall again.

Bu-ut, I talked to all three boys that came in today, cause I had to, and Oooh it was sooo fun.

Le quebecquois smiled at me and like, winked, and I almost melted.
Max has the most shy-est smile. Oh wow oh wow oh wow.
Yeah, so, ignoring the fact that they're all just a *bit* too old for me, I'm still allowed to melt.
So there.

Oh wow oh wow oh wow. <3

Such a lonely day

And it’s mine

The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day

Should be banned

It’s a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life

The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day

Shouldn’t exist

It's a day that I’ll never miss

Such a lonely day

And it’s mine

The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go,I wanna go with you

And if you die,I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life

The most loneliest day of my life

The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day

And it’s mine

It’s a day that I’m glad I survived

It is such a crappy day today. Well, it is and it isn't. The prominent memories of today are bad. But hey, it's raining (<33).

Doppleganger

You know what. Aaron has a doppleganger. I didn't say it. Bu-ut, I knew it.
Huzzah, his name is Ty.
But they're very different in some ways.
Yay for differences.

Anyways, today has been a shitty day.
Alicia is sore all over. And sick feeling, and wants to sleep but is not tired.
Damn.

Double Argh With Knobs - The next installment

HO SNAP NO YOU DIDN'T. DON'T YOU DARE READ THIS TILL YOU'VE READ ALL THE OTHER ONES BIZNATCHES. ALL THE OTHER ONES BEFORE THAT IS. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE MY CAPS LOCK?

Anyways.... On with the show mayhaps?

Emma: oh my! Now let me do my work....

Kara: So you think you are pretty deep in a hole eh? Well let me tell you something, so far you are only at the level of sand box shovel.

Alicia: Oh, you wait. To continue...
So I push him back, like, not hard or anything, but still enough to get him off of me, still wondering what the hell is going on. So then I get off of the driftwood and walk along the beach to this little island thing (it's an island when the tide goes up) so I go and sit on a rock there, and he sits beside me, and we're facing the ocean but we were on the back side ish of the island so no one on the mainland could see us and we were sitting there talking and I was poking his knee, cause that's what I do, poke people. So then he puts his arm around me and like, pulls me closer to his chest, and I'm like "Whatever" in my head, cause whatever. And his chin is resting on my head, which was odd. So then I stand up cause I'm uncomfortable (not laying on him, he's comfy, but uncomfortable about the situation) and bored. anyways, so I stand up, and I'm facing him and he pulled me on top of him. Soz, I like grabbed the rock so I wouldn't fall on him, but he pulled me anyways.

Kay breaktime again.

Emma: Ho shit. I'm speechless. (a/n that's a hard accomplishment to accomplish, leaving her speechless.)

Kara: Alright you're up to a large garden shovel. Hmmm, maybe you should of hit him with one?!

Alicia: So then I'm all "nooo" all whiny like, and he's like "whaaatt" and I'm like "What are you? Stunned?" in my head, but I didn't say it outloud cause I was still I guess in shock of what the hell he was trying to accomplish. So I stand up again and we were talking about biting and how I bit korey and one day and how it made korey all "hot n' bothered" so we were talking about that, and I was like "See, you bite there" and pointed to a spot on his shoulder cause he had a sweater on. and he like, pulled his sweater so the skin was exposed and he's all "here, bite me" and I'm all "uh... uh... can't. It's supposed to be a suprise, you know...Stealth!" so then he stands up, and I go to back up, and almost fall off the edge (woulda fell into rocks, then water) so he like pulls me close and nuzzles into my neck. (uuuueeerrrr)

Sidenote: He found out that if he pokes my side, I arch my back (to like, try to escape said poke) so he would poke me so I would arch into him and yeah, I'd arch, he'd slip his arms around my lower back and pull me closer.

'Nother break for commenting again.

Emma: *madface* Oh my. Speechless once more. How's the sandbox, Kara?

Kara: Ok, you have reached showel level! congrats! Hehehe your life sucks you man-whore magnet! Hehehehe!
"Oh, I am sorry, my friends told me to use cheap pickup lines on you (seductive look) are they working?" Heheheh! "If I was a space ship I'd land on your planet!"


There, the next installment.

Do It The Metric Way

Not as in the Metric system, but as in Metric, the band.
as in I'm going to be posting random pieces of their lyrics,
from various songs,
The ones that mean something to me, that I like
as in the ones with a deeper hidden meaning
because everything has a deeper hidden meaning,
Or at least it does with me.
I speculate too much.
Cody says I overanalyze. I say shut up.

:

Nobody knows which street to take
He took the easy way
What was the easy way?

I'm sick, you're tired, let's dance

Cold as numbers but let's dance

As though it were easy for you to lead me

I could be passive gracefully

Dizzy when we talk so fast

Fields of numbers streaming past

Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,

Where is the love?

Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,

Who here is in line for a raise?

Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,

Where is the love?

Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,

Who put these bodies between us?

(P.S. These are not from the same song, or go together, or anything like that.)

We used to leave the blue lights on and there was a beat

Ever since you have been gone it's all caffeine-free

Faux punk fatigues

Said it all before

They try to kick it, their feet fall asleep

Get no harm done no

None of them want to fight me

Combat baby come back baby

Fight off the lethargy

Don't go quietly

Combat baby

Said you would never give up easy

Combat baby come back

How I miss your ranting

Do you miss my all time lows

Need less, use less

We're asking for too much I guess

Cause all we get is...

Dead disco

Dead funk

Dead rock and roll

I saw your face looked down tonight

I only hope that you're alright

I know you think its always you

Need some time alone, need some time alone

After tonight, another day

A chance to feel a different way

The sun is slowly changing sides

Still, sorrow in your eyes

Sorrow in your eyes

The obvious door opens nothing

Gave them our reactions, our explosions, all that was ours

For graphs of passion and charts of stars

Only know what I'm told

Fast asleep daydreaming

Start to push, break your own glass ceiling

Can't count, can't catch the pieces falling

How am I gonna know you're letting me down

You're gonna lose your arms, amputate plasticine

There's no knight in silver armor shining

How will you wear your leisure

Zipper back and front

On the fence together

Weekends in leather

That's entertainment

When the cameras roll

Can you face the pavement

For a happy dog and pony show

Everybody loves you baby

Of course they do

Leave the basement life

And not the landlord's wife.

Though we both see it coming

We don't run.

Let the silence settle in our bones.

You leave your eyes there for me to memorize.

I can see you happy in the shadows I despise.

Vertabrae by vertebrae

Roll your way out of a coma

Look up, the nurse is smiling

What luck, the nurse is me

Your old body is dead

Your body's dead, you're a word instead

In my sleep I repeat it

It's a good story

Her mouth is full of questions

Take your own meanings out of this, leave mine alone.

Double Argh With Knobs. II

READ THIS ONLY AFTER YOU HAVE READ DOUBLE ARGH WITH KNOBS ONE.
OR YOU'LL BE ALL CONFUSED
AND BE ALL "WELL FUCK THAT"
KAY THANKS.

Cont'd.

Emma: I can be graceful. 7.5

Kara: Well I am not a prostitute, geisha slut or whore and I am rated sexy and a half.

Alicia: I think not, slut.

Emma: If Kara's sexy and a half, I'm totally sexy plus three-quarters.

April 25/ 2006.

Alicia: we should write in romaji.

Emma: Lame.

Kara: Silly, Silly, Silly!

Alicia: It'd be a major time waster.

MAY 8th 2006! (Aaawww fuck here we go.)

Alicia: Alright, so, a story for y'all.

Kay, so last week, Logan's all "Hey, I shottie you for next sunday" and I'm all like " uh, sure" so he comes over yesterday and we go to the beach and we're like walking around the beach, and we sit down and watch this little kid (around 2 maybe?) fall into the ocean. Poor little wet kid. anyways we walk to another part of the beach, and he keeps hugging me and I'm all "yeah, whatever, he's just being more affectionate then usual" in my head (this is when lights should of gone off, the red ones) so anyways, we go down this path, where it's a cliff on either side, and a path about three feet wide in the middle, leading to a 6 foot wide path that leads to an island that's only and island when it's high tide (the path gets covered) so, we sit on this piece of driftwood, about 3-4 feet high and he puts his arm around me, which I squirmed out of. (Squirming out of means I took it with my hand, took it off of me, and placed it where it should of gone, which is on the log. but that didn't work, cause it turned into us holding hands, which I slid out of.) so then he stands up and we're talking, and I stand up and go "hey, look, I'm taller then you" because the rocks made me taller, so he softly like, pushed me back into sitting on the piece of driftwood. Then I noticed something in his hair, so I stood up to take it out, and he like, sat me down again, thinking I was going to talk about our height again, but I wasn't. So frustrated that I wouldn't be able to stand any time soon, and not caring enough to like, push him out of the way, and with the piece of driftwood in his hair (I had been throwing things at him earlier) I pulled him closer, took it out, and went to push him back into a far enough distance that I was comfortable with. That didn't happen. He just sorta stayed.

Double Argh With Knobs.

Cody, why the fuck couldn't you have saved me?

Eh, all's fair in the manwhore business I guess.

Emma and Alicia and Corey and Brooke and Aly and Kara all agree that Alicia is screwed.

This happened to Aly to, but apparently (says her) happened to me like, 10 times worse.
And Cass, can't stop laughing.

So, for your further enjoyment at my expense ... The Book, III.
Yeah, we started (I started) another one. Yay for me.
This is going to go slow, till I get to the topic I was rambling on about up more.

~~
Alicia: The third book! Really wish I'd saved the other two, and coulda published them and made a lot of money. Rule, to refresh, is must write in pen.

Emma: Definately. The book must be kept private!!!

Kara: Ok! I get it! I got it! Good!

Alicia: What, you planning on spilling something this year Emma?

Emma: No, but you might spill something for me. -_-

Kara: Alicia is planning to stab me with a dull pencil crayon! Help me!

Alicia: I said crayon! not pencil crayon. What am I spilling about you em? other then your undying love for Maltee?

Emma: If you're going to say that, you could at least spell his name right. M-U-L-T-E. There. Wait, I'm wrong. T_T

Kara: Well then... now that we have gotten that out of the way, what else is new?

Alicia: It's Malte, he said so. I like his writing.

Emma: Me too. Very...crisp. Foreign kids always write so neatly.

Kara: I think you guys need to get a life. ( I know... I know that does not mean much coming from me.)

Alicia: Rouven didn't have neat writing. He was from germany. But yeah, crisp, and bold and bare and sparse, very, .... distinctive writing.

Emma: Yep. Anyways, I think Kara's right Alicia we need to get a life. I mean for god's sake, we're talking about the way some guy writes!

Kara: Thank you voice of reason!

Alicia: Life? Not plural? So we're going to share it? I SHOTTIE IT ON THE WEEKENDS.

Emma: Lolz, Alicia, you're funny. No, we need to each get a life.

Kara: I hear that there is a 2 for 1 deal at the dollar store! We can all get a life and new personalities! Only $1.99!

Alicia: Kay, you get me one I like, and I'll blame it on you when my friends are all "Wtf happened?"

Emma: I'll just be like "wut"

Kara: Don't be ridiculous! I got my personality from the Dollar Store. And look at me! I'm great!

Alicia: LAME -_-

Emma: Agreed ;-_-

Kara: Hey! Shut up! I am cool .... ish.

Alicia: You just keep telling yourself that luv.

Emma: My mommy says I'm special T_T

Kara: Don't call me luv! or any other stupid pet names you can think of. you are just jealous of my coolness! =P

Alicia: My mommy says you're special too Em. And I'll call you whatever I like puddin' head. (a/n pudding head is an insult.)

Emma: Hey! That's my name for Kara!

Kara: Why do I have all these pet names?! (or insults whichever you prefer)

Alicia: It was an unsult. and fine, I'll call her puddin' brain, happy now?

Emma: Kay fine.

Kara: I hate you all!

Alicia: Aww but we love you.

Emma: Don't hate us Kara!

Kara: well I guess I don't hate you, just strongly dislike.

Alicia: Alright, fine. I had sushi for lunch <3 But I am not becoming a japanese prostitute Kara!

Emma: I think you should Alicia, you'd be good at it.

Kara:What about you emma? aren't you down with that?

Alicia: How would I be good at being graceful and talented? you expect so much!

Emma: A prostitute Alicia, not a geisha. Down with what kara?

Kara: Down with your mother? maybe, I don't know. So emma is a geisha? well if emma was a geisha I'd rate her a 7.

Alicia: Nah, she's a klutz. 6.5 NO PROSTITUTION FOR ALICIA

So, I found something I wrote about highschool.

It's really crappy, but it made me laugh.
Score one for me.

I think it was some school assignment, asking us to define highschool.
Anywho, it was all,

"Highschool is a world all in it's own. It doesn't matter what classes you're taking, what you want to grow up to be, who you admire, or what any of your goals are. Your grades don't define you in the least, unless you're really smart or whatever, then you're looked down on. The only thing that really matters in highschool is who you know, what you know, and who you're dating. The most important person in highschool is the person that knows everything, that person that you tell everything to, because they're trusted. The person who knows the most is also the one most frequently surrounded by people begging to be told what's going on. The one's hoping to crack the vault of secrets, and find something they can use to their advantage. Of course though, the person who knows the most, never tells what they know."

Dun dun dunnnnnnn.... In a world where you can't hug friends of the opposite sex without dirty looks and degrading glares, the teenagers run the show.

Dun Dun Dunnnnnn...

Fo' sheezy.

I need to talk to someone.
Right now.
And it really really sucks.

I feel... betrayed, jealous ... hurt.

I don't like it at all and I don't know how to deal with it. The thing is, I can't help but notice that it's my fault I feel this way, and if for one moment I hadn't been myself, this wouldn't of happened. I wouldn't of given them the glimpse into my life, or the opportunity to take it and twist it into theirs. Makes it hard to believe that they have no idea that they're doing this do me doesn't it.

And of course I can't talk to anybody about it without being judged or whatnot. Which feels kinda crappy, knowing that everyone's going to judge you about your view of what's happening right now. The only person that I'd possibly talk to because they already know a bit of the situation, a very crucial part, hasn't been around lately.

Of course I'd love to be blunt about it, but I don't want to hurt anybodies feelings, because no one has done anything wrong. That's the kicker, there's no good reason to feel so isolated, alone and forgotten, which makes me wonder why I do so strongly.

I miss you

but you is not you anymore

it's the old me.

the one that didn't know you

or care who you were.

Regretting regretting you.

Questions with unspoken answers

Acceptance before denial

Surrender before the fight

Silent objection,

Silent confrontation,

Silent result.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ever get the urge to do something, and it has to be done that moment, because if you don't, even though it probably won't, if feels like your life won't be the same? something will change and/or dissapear? And if in turn you fight the urge, and don't it feels as though you've lost completely? It's like an ongoing battle with yourself, and all you can find to back you up is the white flag.

Danny "Hey Alicia"
Alicia "Hey Danny"
-Danny hugs Alicia-
Danny "You're the coolest"
Alicia "Uh... thanks."
-walks off to class-

Danny is like, mentally challenged or somewhat. Everyone seems to know him, and he seems to know everyone. He's like, REALLY tall. Which, coming from me, says something I assume.

That was inbetween first and second block.

Then at lunch:

-Listening to the "variety talent show" sitting in the auditorium.
-First band sucks.
-Then comes monkey, trevor and patrick.
-They were alright.
-Show's over
-Alicia goes out in hall, kara walks up to her, they start talking.
-School Mascot is wandering around (big cat suit thing.)
-Randomly hugs Renna, and tousles her hair (Renna is anti-touch)
-Keep in mind that Alicia knows whos in the mascot costume (That'd be Kyle.)
-Mascot walks towards Alicia and Kara, seemingly not paying attention to them.
-But you wouldn't know, cause their face is hidden.
-Suddenly, Alicia and Kara are all, getting hugged (at the same time, squashing us) by team mascot. Alicia laughs and walks away when released.

First block (Oh noes, she's got tha' powa' to go back in time!)
-Tinnion talks forever, as usual (drama class yo)
-Gets us all sitting in the "audience" area.
-Has four people standing on stage (Team leaders, to pick their teams)
-Alicia raises her hand, and says "Isn't there supposed to be 5 groups?"
-Tinnion thanks Alicia for catching that, makes her a captain too.
-Alicia inwardly groans.
-Picks team (Amanda, Shannon, Hugh)
-They become judges for the theatre sports games

To Explain:

Theatre sports games
- Random games like "advance" where one person comes up with a ridiculous problem and the next person on has to solve it in an equally ridiculous manner.
-Today we played one called "Phobia's and Obsessions"
-We were given a phobia or an obsession, and a setting.
-Other members of the team had to try and solve the problems that the phobia's/obsessions created.

Soz, back to the class:
-Sasja has to have a phobia of styrofoam cups, and she's at a birthday party
-they play spin the bottle
-if the bottle stops spinning on you, you gotta be covered in paper cups
-o' course it stops on sasja (imaginary bottle)
-she flips out in her overly-dramatic-high-pitched-usual-squealing way. (ugh.)
-Rich has to be obsessed with apples.
-in a grocery store.
-soz he's all.... drooling over apples
-and then he see's little ash (hrenyk) and she's wearing a red shirt
-he's all "She...she looks like an apple"
-and starts biting the air, with his friend holding him back.
-then he comes up to her, and starts sniffing and stroking her
-lifts her arm up, and goes to bite it. then she calls the "manager".

And yeah.

Soz...

I wrote this last night. Just couldn't post it.

Don't try to read me.

You'll just get shot down.
In the sense that I'll completely close down, and you won't learn anything about me.
Ever.
Which seems to be a pretty good threat. Seeing as it stopped you on the spot.

But just to clarify.
You barely know me.
And to start trying to read me, and tell me what I'm doing, or feeling, when you're completely wrong, is just going to aggravate me.
That aggravation is going to cause me to completely close up. And no one would be very happy with you then.

Only three people are allowed to read me. And sadly enough, they're all communications via interwebs.

But those who don't know me know me the best. Which is switching from a physical to an emotional, psychological level.

Those three people would be (No drumroll needed. They make enough noise):

Cody, (Aka Cam Whore) because he knows more then I'd ever like to share again. Whether he remembers it or not is a different story. He doesn't have to try very hard to read me. Because he was always there. Which is what I needed. A constant. I guess he must of known that. He's one of the first ones to confront my overanalyzing things. He's one of the first ones to confront me on a lot of things. There isn't really much more I can say. With Cody, it's really kind of simple. You are either there, or you aren't. If you are thinking he's just one big like... thing to talk to, and he always listens, and never has to talk himself, then I've given the wrong impression. You have to give before you deserve to take. I can't define him very well. He's just... himself. <3

Shadow (Call him what you will, shadow has just stuck)He's getting better at reading me. Or at least telling me that he's reading me. But he just... observes really, and he doesn't pry, or ask too many questions. Which I like. Though I have very little faith in his promises. Mostly because he can't control everything. But it works out well in the end. He always lets me vent at him. He's the only one I let call me names. Ones which won't be printed on here in fear of mass manufacturing. I can deal with him calling me them, I can't deal with anyone else calling me them. Which is part of his charm I guess. Getting me to open up so easily. Or, he just knows the right buttons to push. Though he blames the opening up thing on the "you're not really real" illusion that the internet gives us. Which I believe I said to him one day, but I'm different. So I'm going to tell him to stop using that against me. The nerdy little tekkie that he is. <3

Then, there's Aaron.

Aaron (Aka Ralph Aka Meteor Aka S.B. (had to put that in there, sorry)Aka ... photography whiz?) And you thought you didn't have any nicknames. Well, I'm not sure if he's ever read me before. At least, if he has, he hasn't told me. Oddly enough, I'm sorta ok with that. Only sorta because I hate not knowing what's going on. But that really has nothing to do with Aaron now does it? Yes, actually, sometimes it does. See, Ralph is really odd, which I love, but it sometimes confuses me more then I like to admit. He's like... normal, until you're comfortable with his modified version of normal, then he goes and does something that totally throws you for a loop. Then you start from square one again, starting to think you understand him, till he goes and does it again. This happens more frequently around 4-5 am. But it happens in not so odd hours too. Like when I have to leave. It's just more noticable at 4-5 am. (Mainly 'cause my brain fully functions, and I still think in "over analyzation mode" I just can't spell, whereas he goes.. somewhat disoriented, unfocused, and all of that) Aaron's starting to sense things though. Which, I'm not totally comfortable with, but I'm not going to stop him. Or lie to him. Because there's no point, and I've nothing to hide.


It's weird, but they have their different... "styles"

Cody confronts.
Shadow treads softly and questions (With some bluntness. When pestered for it.)
And Aaron just sort of... exists. Which helps, whether he knows it or not.

I'm not normally a jealous person.
Really, I'm not.
I can't stand people that are jealous normally.
Which brings me to my dilemma.
(I know, so quickly it shows up. Not like me at all)
I can't stand myself.
For I am jealous.

Now let me explain without explaining.
Because it's what I do.
Vagueness is key in avoiding confrontation.
(Yes, I know I avoid confrontation. But only when I'm the one being confronted. Because I don't like it. Though sometimes I wish people would confront me more. Force me to deal with things. Or be more open or whatever. Yeah, I know, you just can't win with me)

Kay, so my explaining.
(I'm going to be talking, er, writing at the person I am .. jealous of.It's what I do. Talk to you without talking to you.)
I'm jealous of your ease, comfortability with people.
How easily you slide into something that took me weeks.
It took you less then a day.
I'm jealous of how you unconciously made me feel threatened,
made my position feel threatened.
I'm jealous of how quickly you became what I thought I was.

I'm jealous of the fact that you're better then me at what I'm good at.

Vent he says.

So, I vent. Cody, this is your fault.

I hate you (not cody), but just for the moment.
But said moment has been at least a week.
It's not because you've done anything.
Which makes me seem more twisted then I really am.
So maybe I'm substituting hate for something else.
Like, miss, am annoyed at, or irritated with.
Those seem to work well. Though hate has more of an impact.

You're so fake it's astounding (not the first person, I'm venting).
You can see the lie ooze off around you.
It's sickening. You're sickening.

(Kay so every double space is a different person.)

I don't know why you looked at me either.
That makes two of us.
Confusion is a great thing right.
Yeah, no.
So stop it.

You, need to be online more. Because I said so.
And that should be a good enough reason.
Plus, you know, you make me laugh, a lot.
Not always with you, but you don't seem to mind.
So maybe it's always with you.

You've been on my mind lately. I don't like it.
Not negatively on my mind, or supremely positively.
Just like a presence. In the back of my mind,
That surfaces every once in a while. So not fair.
Not because I like you more then a friend or anything.
It's just like... "...-randomperson-" in my mind, which
makes me go all "..wtf?!" again, in my mind.

You're new, but not bad new. Quite different.
And out there. And odd. And crazy. But I love it.
Though I know there's something deeper that you're hiding.
What are you afraid to show?

Just One Of Those Nights...

So last night was just one of those nights. You know the ones, where everything seems not worth being done. Where just existing seems like a hard job. Existing in reality that is. It's suprisingly easy to exist without knowing which realm of your mind you are in... you know, perferred realities, the escapes from actual life. The kind of like where you don't have the problems you have today, however teenaged they seem to the rest of the "grown-up" world.

I don't want to grow up. Anymore then I already am, I assume, would be potentially catastrophic on my psyche. Maybe they should film it, seeing as the responsibilities I'm taking on in the next two years are astounding, overwhelming, and completely foreign to me. It'd make for a potentially interesting tale. But the struggle wouldn't, and won't be physical, but mental. It's always mental...

But back to last night. I was sitting there, well, laying would be a better term, seeing as I was on my bed. Balancing a mechanical pencil on my forehead, and then the bridge of my nose, thinking of people I was told to forget. Which is actually a suprisingly numerous and complex amount of people. Which, sort of brings me back to my first point. People try to forget, or escape, to avoid the pain of dealing with it, the assumed pain may I add, that they end up suffering more from it. And in the end, didn't avoid anything, just created more to try and avoid. The self realization.

Some people sit there wishing, hoping, or wondering if there is something more out there, something deeper, something more meaningful then what they have at that moment. And it brings the thought, why does one deserve something more? If said thing exists, is it really based on good deeds and luck? Or is life truly what you make of it?

Would you stop at no cost for true happyness? Or does others happyness come before yours? Even people you barely know? Is anyone truly satisfied with what they have? Or is the grass always greener on the other side?

Heck Yes

Emo boys are cute until they talk

Nickelback is like, a secret addiction of mine.

I painted my nails. I hate

having my nails painted, but it's the first

thing I do when I'm bored.

Nick Aegis is boring.

Spencer must pay, with his life.

Mr. Hot Emo Student Teacher is fun

to swoon at. But Ty is the best to swoon at.

*Must swoon at thought of Ty for all eternity*

Damn those foreign boys are fine.

(Ty= not foreign. Duh.)

Capp teacher is already

doing that "I'ma gunna

push alicia cause I know she

can take it" thingy.

I am going shopping with Lachance.

(Michy) Soon. It's a date. ;D

My math teacher is awesome

making things just mysteriously

disappear.

I got poked/prodded/nuzzled/groped/flicked

tooo much today. Nasty gremlins friends are.

(I swear I'm going to wake up tomorrow with bruises

all on my sides... )

That was the summarized version of today, time to catch up?

Friday-

School (Woot <3)>

Then Tinnion's all like "Find a reason to exit the stage; Rich I must apologize to you"

And I was all "What the hell? How rude of you to make it seem like you're implying that you have to apologize for our acting" in my head. Cause she's never done that to me before.

Turns out the bell was about to ring is all, but still!

So, then school out (No, that wasn't my only class, I just didn't like the other ones) and I get ready to go volunteering. So... blah blah blah happens and we get to Coal Tyee. soz, the principal goes up to us "mentors" and tells us most of our buddies are at the 5-7 (grades) dance. So we go find them, and we're like "...Kay, wtf do we do?" So then music comes on (cause they all sit on benches everytime a song ends cause it's a rule... wtf?) And I'm all like "fuck this, I hate this song, but I'm not just gunna sit here" So I made Chloe and Chantelle and Joyce (<3)>

( Wall o' Text on the notepad say what?)

So, then, I get bored of dancing the grade 7 shuffle (Stand there, sway from side to side... Damn rights you're cool) So we (Joyce, Chantelle and I) start swing dancing to like, really depressing music (Seriously, made Joyce's "buddy" cry. ) And then I got bored of their only dancing for half a song because they are afraid of their image in front of a bunch of people they don't know. So, I went up to some random grade 6-7 girl and asked her to dance. She danced with me.

So that right there, set the ball rolling, and I started dancing with the no-confidence-having kids.

Little did I know Kyle was doing the same thing. I seriously don't know why no one likes him. 'Cept leigh, but that's a whole nother story.

So after the dance, Kyle comes up to me, and he's all "I saw you dancing with the kids" and I'm all "Yeah.. so?" and he's like "Cool, I was too" .

So, then saturday I'm all barely awake at work, but that's ok, I had sugar. (Not coffee, butter caramel smoothie <333)>

So, after work, I go to my step sisters house. Pick up the twins and Wesley (twins : 18 days old, Wesley: 2 years) for the night.

So we took care of them all night, cause new borns don't sleep at times to fit my schedule.

Then Sunday (Ho mans, 3 days sp far) I wake up at 8 or so, (Couldn't get back to sleep :\) have a shower, get changed and then go and get Nicole and Katie. (With time wasting before then) for the choir concert in parksville.

So we drive (Well, stepdad drove; Katie and I rocked out, Nicole just smiled) to parksville and we're like, the first ones there 'cept for Monkey, whose mom works there, so he don't count.

Yadda Yadda Yadda.

More people come, prima youth choir (<33)>

music director splits up all the girls (alto's and soprano's) and makes us practice "Santo" <= Not the actual name of the song.

After that, he asks all the guys to go onstage.

Alicia starts laughing.

Extremely hot choir boy asks if she's laughing at them.

She says yes. (Duh <3)

So then they sing "Kedi Pompong"

AND DANCE! <333333333

Our choir boys looked shocked but they caught on quick enough... (they weren't warned)

Then the show starts, and Ballenas (?) anyways, one of their choir members in the top row faints or something (Falls of the risers).

There was a thud.

So she goes to the hospital.

funn......

Then Dover Girl, Nicole and I imitate the "Kedi Pompong" dance outside at intermission. Where all the prima youth choir (<33)>

Oh! That reminds me, had an interesting conversation about purple with Rich.

So then, (when we were outside) super hot choir boy is standing right behind me!

..GAH.

So then we become all stealthy and start talking about him while he's 2 feet away (Codenames biatch)

So that was an interesting day.

Monday:

Wake up, school already started, I have no voice, and like the meteor, I was all "well fuck that"

Went on the computer, started organizing music, played simgs (HOMYGAWD! :shock:)

went to chapters, got german things, and caffinated things (damn you starbucks) and went home.

Productive like Whoa mans.

Today: Got poked into oblivion.

Ben needs a reality check, and to be beaten up.

But not for the reasons I'm going to mention.

So he's all... super poking me today, and it wasn't the like, poking that doesn't hurt either. So I've got him and logan poking me at the same time while Halo is nuzzling her face into my breasts.

Zoinks, triple teamed.

So, I see Kyle (Previously mentioned Kyle) and I'm all "Kyle! Save me! Make them stop!"

So he does.

Spifftastic.

He poked Ben till ben went to punch him, cause ben can't take his own medicine.

(plus ben likes a girl and she likes kyle, though she's a tease and leads ben on)

So then there's class, and then lunch.

Where Spencer (Ty's little brother) double teams me with Logan (Again, more poking) and Cass just sits there laughing.

I forget how I made spencer leave, I think I just started poking him mercilessly whenever my hands were free (They had been taken hostage to prevent retaliation) So then he leaves, and Logan goes and gets a sub (Subway <3) hallway =" circle)">

And the teachers were giving us funny looks, but we weren't being mean, and there was pathways through that patch. So, we gain people till there is about 15 of us, sitting and laying on the ground and eachother.

So, Nick's mom (Like a hallway monitor person at lunch) made us leave :s

So, we crashed the native room. (Plays hiphop, cheap pop, comfortable couchs)

So, Courtney sits on a couch, I sit beside her, Logan sits on us, and Cassi sits in a chair beside us, cause she wouldn't join the pile, and the warning bell rang and logan wouldn't get off me, so I bit him, and pushed him off. That took effort.

Ha! I say.

After school we had choir where I was flicked and poked by Spencer (Again!!) and Nicole and Ashley... Evil.

That about raps up the past coupla' days.

Heck Yes.

Oh!

P.s. In the Japanese skit (For japanese class) My hobby is "Stalker"

P.P.S. Me = Hey! She just dissed him so some friend of his dissed her to get back at her

Joyce= How the hell do you know that?

Me = It's my job to know things

Joyce= You're creepy observant.

Me = I watch human behaviour, so what?

Joyce = See, like right there!

I am really mad.

And I don't know why.

I want to burn something

Or break something.

Or make a lot of noise.

I want to make someone care

about something,

defend it passionately,

challenge me.

I want a reason to be mad.

I want to yell, at someone,

and not face the consequences

that arise the next day.

The awkward silence,

the stumbled apologies.

I want to be able to make it

unmemorable, forget it ever

happened.

I want to be able to soothe the afterburn,

diminish the glowing ambers.

In short; I want to get mad,

explosive and loud

but I don't want to hurt anyone.

And I Thought I Was Normal

Well, no, I didn't. But
I didn't think I was such
an oddity as I'm turning out
to be. So far, to conform, I have
to become (Yus I made a list, I had
some, kay a lot (no homework) of
spare time on my hands):

Kay, So, I have to become (or do(n't) ):

Less awesome

Less considerate

More shallow (Is that even possible?

Ahaha, Sexy Beast)

Less polite

Less optimistic

More depressed

Stupider

Less family oriented

Less caring about friends

Less affected by people I care

about's emotions

Lazy-er (Lazier? More Lazy?)

Complain more

Not care about my grades

Not work (cause most don't work at my age)

Not volunteer

That's all I can think of right now.

Isn't that sad, I'm so void of

creativity right now, it's terrible.

But sarcasm is still flowing strong.

At least I have something left that

few can aquire to a certain extent.

Little Susie Q

Yeah, Let's just stop that song
right there. Or else it will be stuck
in my head even more then it already
has been lately. And it shouldn't be,
because it isn't the most.... suitable.

The Kooks seem pretty good

so far. Accents = <3

Everyone knows that. Or at

least they should. It's damn

well common knowledge nowadays.

Blocking certain people leads

to interesting conversations.

I found that out last night, past two

before five. Somewheres around there.

It's good to be home.

But I have school tomorrow

I get to go to Drama. Yay!

And then I have to go talk to my

math teacher. No, I'z not failin'

or nufin.

I'm so glad I don't still live in

Kelowna. Suuuriously. A

normal conversation there

is all.... :

"Hey,"

"What the fuck, why'd you bump into me"

"Sorry, didn't mean to"
"Fucking fag"

"I'm not a fag you 'roid monkey"

*Fist fight*

They're all idiots.

So, I realized I hate stupid people.

People who have learning disabilities

I am completely fine with. People

who don't know any better, I am fine with.

people who know their

doing something completely wrong

but like... yeah.

Effin' morons.

They irk me.

Heaven in a Hottub

Well, not really. My cousin
made up the name, because
I was talking about last night
which was that night. Cause it
was all:

Alicia and Rob and Megan

in the hot tub. With the snow

falling, all, everywhere. And

The fog was not very far above.

It was beautiful.

Hung out at Christine's highschool

For two days. It was ...interesting.

Like Shane said, they're as close to

being characters in the O.c. as they

can. It's all... Over tired drama queens

demanding a boyfriend to come hug

them that they claim they hate

anways, and then feaux-fighting

with their "best friend" Who they backstab

on occasion anyways and then becoming

"best friends" again minutes later.

Oh, and that boyfriend? Yeah, he is dating

Basically everyone in that circle of friends.

Skeez.

Hung out with Shane at lunch once.

He was in the Theatre room.

Smart guy he is. Though their theatre

room sucks out loud. Like totally.

To clarify, Shane, Christine

Rob, and Megan are all my

cousins. Chris, Rob and Megan

are brothers and sisters.

Shane's sister is Candace,

she's pregnant right now.

So, um, Christine and I were

Talking, and we classified me.

Apparently I'm quite an oddity.

We woke up to the Jeep driver side

window smashed.Cops will come

sooner or later. Mom called them.

There is footsteps all the way

around the jeep. and leading up

to the garage, and then they

retraced their steps apparently.

I was roughly woken up this morning.
At about 5 30 - 6 am.
I don't have a clock in my room, so I
don't know the exact time.

I was woken up because my stepsister

started going into labour

so my mother and stepfather

had to drive across town

and pick her up from her house

then double back to the hospital

I stayed home. Not by choice.

Only because my mother told me what

was going on (me barely awake)

and left. Saying she'd be back.

Then I got a phone call at 8ish

The babies are born.

Yes, plural, she had twins

They're safe and all.

My mom is now phoning people to come

work for her and I.

I straightened my hair yesterday.

And took some pictures of random

things in my house. Like a suspended

angel.

Tia's suspended for ten days.

Tia being Cassi's cousin.

They (the teachers or whatever)

found her skipping and ripped

out of her mind. Ripped meaning

stoned.

My mom's alarm clock is going off

Has been going off for about 45 minutes now.

I'm not supposed to go into her room

and I enjoy having some noise in this house

that isn't caused by me.

because silence is deafening.

No one is online at 8 in the morning.

For shame.

Really, I thought someone would be

online, who that someone is

I've no idea. But at least someone.

I leave tonight for Kelowna.

Though the plans might have

changed because of the born

twins. Only time will tell what

my mother decides to do.

Capp teacher says the secret to life,

Is not to be happy,

But to be content.

Continuance of Thought

So, I'm thinking I'm going to keep this format
It suits my series of thoughts
quite well actually.
All, scattered like.

My CaPP Teacher seems to think

that I've opened many "doors"

in my life. For the future of course.

I guess the whole "Yeah, I know I'm

probably going to be working for no pay

(volunteer : doctors without borders) and I'm fine with it"

Yeah, that threw him off.

Went to Cassi's today. Played us some video games.

Ate us some Mr.Noodles.

Fought and fell over each other.

Life is always entertaining at her house.

Beware the troll.

Murray (Spermy the Wonder Boy)

Is at my house right now.

He works with my mother and I.

He's cool, like an annoying older brother.

Hokay, So.

I don't like you.

Really, I don't.

Apparently she thinks I do.

and thinks you know I do.

the past is a embellishing thing, no?

Well now, I need my writing skills back.

I need to read more. To write more.

To force myself back into the life I once lived.

The running joke now is that I'm easy.

Couldn't be farther from the truth.

Hence the reason it is sticking.

Don't really like it, but don't care enough

to change it.

Ever feel like your falling?

But you enjoy the feeling?

The dizzying offset of your equilibrium

The nauseous waves that follow.

Group conversations are increasingly

more popular on msn. A fad that we've joined

mayhaps?

Though the topics of conversation aren't

always the most entertaining

they seem to be interesting.

I called the one with the hair.

Otherwise known as Matt.

Only because I was listening to Butch Walker,

which reminded me of Matt.

Turns out the boy is expelled. And engaged to be married.

At 15. Time flys when you're missing a brain.

Cody needs to lay off the bolded capslock.

But the countdowns are fine.

I wonder how long it will take for Aaron to realize,

That both Cody and I are leaving the internet starting

Tomorrow and the next day.

I forgot my title.

I wrote this last night. Somehow that seemed more significant then writing it today.

Hokay, so, you know when someone can't seem to escape the depths of your mind; so you're eternally tortured with their image, their thoughts, their memory? And you know the only way to at least make the flooding thoughts not come at you so menacingly is to tell that someone. But you know, or "assume" that no good will come out of telling that someone those things when you've second guessed it so much you don't even know if the meaning behind the constant onslaught of imagery is what is stereotypically the meaning of them? You've denied all probabilty of "it" (whatever "it" actually turns out to be) ever happening for so long that it's in the back of your mind that the thoughts are constant only because you wish to spite yourself. That they're fake, and in all actuality you feel nothing towards that person.
What do you do when someone has consumed your reality? Taken over your mind without even knowing it? Dangling the control of your emotion over you; again with no knowledge. How do you deal with talking to them for hours but missing them soon after you part? What happens when your friends notice that there is more doodling in your notebooks then work?

What happens when an infatuation becomes an obsession?

Update?

They haven't talked in two days.

She woke up and he wasn't in the house.

She got ready to go to her superbowl party, he showed up.

She left, with a quick whispered goodbye to me.

He left. With no comment at all a half hour later.

So, now I'm alone again, in subdued warfare.

Yeah, so there.

Hour one : Power Outage. Thanks guys
Hour two: Still power out. Watch hydro dudes start fixing it.
Hour two and ten minutes : Power back on. Yay hydro dudes.
Hour two and twenty minutes : Playing DDR
Hour two and fourty minutes: Check if we have internet
Hour two and fourty one minutes: Find out we have no internet. Modem is on the fritz.
Hour two and fifty minutes: Drink juice, eat macaroni.
Hour three: watch American idol.
Hour three: Laugh at American idol.

Where the hell?

Did all my creativity go? Seriously, I haven't written anything in like forever. Then I go look at like, Cody's blog, and it's all HEY LOOK I RITE GUD POETRY... but with good spelling.

Maybe if I go all emo I'll be able to write again. Like quality writing.

I used to pic up a pen and just write. Now I pick up a pen, stare blankly into space, and start doodling.

Nothing really seems to matter lately.

I so just had something to say.

But I lost it.

Oh, Right!

I miss him.

That's about it.

And,

I have this insane ability to like, make Cody appear basically whenever I want him to. Though he doesn't know to what extent. It's all like "Hey, where the fuck is cody, I need to talk to him" then it's all "Cody has just signed in" and I'm like "Heck yes, Alicia strikes again" Mad skills man, mad skills.

Mad skills are totally boss.

So are crossdressing comedians on ice.

I still miss him.

Opkea to the extreme like hardcore.

I really don't know what to say. Or why I'm even writing in my blog. I have so much work to do that's due tomorrow, and have no desire to do it. At all. It doesn't help that it's worth like, 10% of my final mark.

So, I come home from my cousins to an empty house. Thanks guys.


Life's a bitch and then we die.

That seems fitting.

Fanfiction Saga.

At first, he was the file-sharing self proclaimed scapegoat. Quite hot, but rather afraid of said hotness, causing him to deny it.

Meeting Alicia he was deemed the whipping boy. And subject to phrases along the lines of "whoa, you're hot".

Seeking relief from instant messages singing his praises, he paired the two who constantly praised him in a chat together. shortly after he realized his huge mistake.

The path of the admittance came cleary into view. Admittance into the psych ward at the hospital of course.

So he continued his vehement denial, slowly aggravating the pair of girls. Until one day, the tides turned, and "The Cult of The Sexy Beast" was formed.

Polls were formed, both accidently and on purpose. All results came back the same, he was hot.

The cult was slowly recruiting members, trickling in like water, not there usual girl selves.

The creators of the cult were stunned. They decided to harness the opportunity that was swiftly fleeing ahead of them.

Brain storming, they came up with a plan.

One would write a fanfiction type story, and the other would illustrate it. They'd make millions.

And so the tale unfolds.

The Book pt.3

Alicia: Last day of school before christmas break!

Ashley: HELL YA! Merry KissMoose!

Alicia: Merry Kissmoose! I swear we should find a moos and kiss it before it tramples us~! Then it would really be Kissmoose. XD

Anecca: No, it's Christmaka LOL I LOVE that word! we should all hang this christmas break! KK

Ashley: YA! I'll have a chrismas party!!

(erm, authors note? she never did have that party)

Alicia: I won't be here budz

Ashley: YES YOU FREAKIN WILL!!

Alicia: When is this supposed party? around ---- estimate?

Anecca: Whenever we decide to have it!

Ashley: NOW!

Alicia: Well, if it's now, then I can go XD!

Well, that's a short one, so should I do another? Yes, I think I will.

The Book pt. 4

Alicia: Back off holidays and all that. Not much changed, except my hair colour XD. Science is still the same, exactly.

Ashley: Alicia you hair color changes more then the moon changes fares! and as for science that's a big D-U-H!

Anecca: Hey, my hair changed too! I have bangs now! That's hot! LOL don't worry I'm not Paris Hilton! Lonely, I'm still lonely, I have no body to call my own LOL just kiddin

Alicia: That song is annoying. and HEY! Ashley, my hair changes like, once a month because life is getting boring! I need change in life. It's better then moving around or being all drastic and going through boys like WHOA MANS!

Ashley: Alicia IT WAS A JOKE! and changing you hair is not changing your life. Pick a drastic colour if you need to do that!

Alicia: Nah, drastic for drastic's sake is so not my style. That would be a big D-U-H

Ashley: Hey! That's copywritten!

Anecca: I'm quitting this convo you guys don't even follow the rules you guys made up! and stop moving the table! Alicia if you don't I'll kick you off this table!

(pff, like really, it was my table in the first place)

Alicia: you have no authority over me Anecca, watch your step. and, what rules are we not following? We're stating our name, and writing in pen. There's the rules, none broken.

Emma: I honestly have no clue what to say

Anecca: If you don't even remember the rule that you made about how whoever signed the book first to last! you said we had to write in order of where the names were (a/n, on the front cover, we listed our names) So I quit!

Alicia: I didn't say that. you did. and I said that was pointless because we aren't all here at the same time.

Ashley: I think we should burn the book, take back what we've said, and then have an after PARTY! LOL I made a joke! I'm so kool ^_^

Alicia: How is that a joke? and I'm not taking back anything I said, because I have no reason too.

Emma: Stubborn.

Ashely: IT WAS A FUNNY! THATS HOW IT WAS A JOKE D-U-H! Emma, who is stubborn? Or is it the page? perhaps it is your pen, or you? who is stubborn?

There is two more entries to come soon, cause we haven't written in the book in a while.

The Book pt.2

Ashley: Alicia, I think you're in love.

Alicia: In love with whom?

Ashley: Dare I say it?

Alicia: Dost thou darest?

Ashley: I it is - LOL I'm Yoda!

Alicia: So I'm in love with you?

Ashley: Nope... Jake, but I was jk.

Alicia: Oh, oh... that's...that's just wrong! utterly and totally wrong!

Ashely: Tee hee hee. But true. - Had to put it LOL

Emma: >_< Weird.

Anecca: Romeo Romeo were for art though Romeo LOL

Ashley: No One Gives A Shit!

Alicia: Down you scurvy knave! I will not tell thee anything! other then almost everything you want.

Ashley: What the hell did you just say?

Anecca: No one cares cuz Tybalts dead OMFG (crying)

Alicia: Tybalt was on scurvy knave. Brandishing his sword like some bubblegum stuck to your shoe!

Ashley: You guys are so strange.

Anecca: And this is the story of Juliet and her Romeo!

Alicia: Holy St. Francis! You ungreatful wretch.

Ashley: good times in science LOL

Anecca: Dancing lol gotta do it again! See that waltzing came in handy!

(authors note: We were doing a dancing unit in gym class, and decided to dance in science, because the teacher lets us do basically anything we want)

Ashley: Now k?

Alicia: I know it did, I taught it to you.

Anecca: I'd done it before but it didn't stick cuz it was on a pitch black field with cell phone music with a bunch of friends laughing. So there!

Alicia: Sounds like fun! I'm so tired. I've been having nightmares recently. I don't like it.

Anecca: About your lover Jake! LOL

Ashley: That's not called a nightmare! LOL.

Anecca: What's it called? Dream sex?

Emma: Lol. That's a good one Anecca. I congradulate you.

Alicia: Anecca, that's just sick. It's not my fault you want Blake and he has no interest in you.

Anecca: yeah sure and I can sing through my ass.

Ashley: I would just like to know where that came from?

Alicia: Anecca you're rather odd, and somewhat cruel.

Emma: I hate to break it to you Alicia, but so are you.

Alicia: Yes, but I know that. And I haven't called you "mrs." in a long time!

Anecca: Well I hate to break it to you but I'm cooler than you all cuz I can sing through my ass (LOL)

Emma: I'll get you one day Alicia! *maniacal laugh*

Ashley : What the heck is going on?!

Alicia: Emma has been mad at me for two years now because I (among others I must say!) have noticed something and pointed it out and she refuses to admit it. And anecca, just doesn't like me cause I'm uber rad. Emma! what's your email so I can send you that picture?

Ashley: Ok, I'm all caught up.


~~ Yes, I know I'm the one getting burned here. And potentially embarrassed. So what I'm doing is my own fault. I don't really care. None of you even know who Jake is.

Alicia is Going to Austria.

bitch, moan, complain, let's go insane.

So, wanna see what my life is like right now? Of course you do. Here's a prime example.

Kay, nevermind, if you actually want to see it, IM me and I'll send it to you.

An interesting day to say the least. I guess.

Sarcasmic

Like, orgasmic, but in a sarcasm sense.

Anywho, some writings after hearing about some recent events.

Depression sets in slowly

savouring the spread of the disease

but fighting it at the same time

wanting to be free

but secretly enjoying it.

Melancholic.

Silent pleas of frustration

mouthed, never spoken

a feeling of desertion

your world spins

everyone is happy

everyone but you

but who are you exactly

just a face with a name

infiltrating invisibility

cloaked in your own remorse, your own regrets

Always feeling

Like a bomb exploded, leaving you barren land

empty soil, no inhabitants

there's no interest from the outside world

you are unwanted.

~

Sarcastic rush:

Trade your freedom for your memories, or do the reverse, as long as the outcome is not painful. Escape, flee if need be, but do not confront. If you confront, you may just have to deal with the problem at hand. Push it aside, pretend it's not there, you'll get by just fine. This will work, all your life, no one will question your motives. Douse photo's in fire, on the beach, make it comparable to the burn of the sun if you have too. Just never confront, never get through, never solve anything.

I really fucking love it when people go back on their word.

Opinions are devious things, devious, malicious, thought provoking things.

Example:

I think Aaron is hot, that's my opinion, and Kelley's. Aaron is in denial.

I also think that I'm losing friends rapidly. Though the only on that's being tormented by it is me.

I also think that being forced to do an independant studies project that limits your creativity, by forbidding some things, and pressing Alicia for time is incredibly stupid.

P.s. I'm an archer slash assassin slash theif slash death magic master. (Glowsticks are my tools kay thanks) While also providing the comic relief.

Opkea ... Or is it Opkae?

So, me and Jessica (J-dog and Alicia, k-k-k-keepin' it real) were all, sitting in the back of the school library (every couple of days or so) and we rummage through the astology section, taking out the books about our birth months, years and days. (Seriously, huge book on days, cause it's got every day of the year in it) Every one of them say I'm rather vain. Which made me laugh loudly, because, I can be, but mostly I'm just playing. So, at some points, I'd be all "That can't be true" And Jessica would look at me sadly and go "But it is, really". So I'm a vain attention whore driven for power who is sensitive and sensual and independant. And a whole bunch more that I forget.

We went to Tofino today, I got some great shots of the water, but I haven't uploaded them yet, due to a dislike of being alone in the dark. So, it's like, a three hour drive there, a three and a half hour drive back (don't ask me why) and we hung around for two hours. I wore sandals to the beach so I could run bare foot through the sand, in the freezing cold, and not feel my feet for the next half hour. but it was worth it. Sooo worth it.

I'm tired but hyper, this is becoming a habit. I blame the whipping boy.

Going to Victoria tomorrow, (yay more road trips?) get all my passport crap over and done with.

Which reminds me. Aaron needs to get his passport all done and crap so I can smuggle him over the border. Less hassle.

Artificial Amatuers Find it All Amazing.

Ugh, my legs hurt, I keep bumping them into things, like sharp corners. So, I pulled my pant leg up to my knee, and there's like.. 9-12 bruises on each leg. Because they're so clumsy and they're on my calves, my poor toned calves. I love my calves, but sadly, they're attracted to painful objects. Biznatches, it's all :

"Hey, look, a hidden shard of glass"

"I get it first!"

"Aww, no fair, you got the corner of the couch this morning."

"Fine."

"Yay!" -runs into shard of glass-

Me - "Ow... stupid legs"

You - "She just simulated ac conversation with her legs" 0_o

P.s. work = boring

Other then finding the bruises and the fabricating and randomly singing and dancing (loudly) to whatever was on my Mp3 player at the time.

Cause almost no one was there today.

+1 more day of rain.

Fill My Heart With Song

Yeah, it's part of the song we're singing in Vocal Jazz now. We're actually singing two at once instead of one, like last time.

Jason asked Renna out. Renna said no. Because Jason's been deemed gay since I knew him (3 years?). I guess he's not so gay. So now, I don't actually know a fully homosexual person. eh.

Aaron was all sneaky and put our conversation on his blog, thinking I wouldn't look at it I guess. As I told Cody, that's so my thing, putting things on blogs without people knowing. Cause I'm one sly gal. Pfft.

My hair is actually being nice to me, and in saying that, it's probably going to be all mean to me now.

THE SKY IS FALLING. Or you know, maybe it's just the 26 days of rain we've had! Now, don't get me wrong, I love the rain, but I have friends going spastic because they haven't seen the sun for almost a month. Which is very...trying. We could at least have fog occasionally, just to make me happy, but NO. So, no snow, no fog, just blissfull rain.

CONVO SHOW:

Alicia: So, how old is Kyle anyways?
Ashley: He's in grade 12.. DON'T ASK HIM OUT
Alicia: ..What?
Ashley: That's so gross
Alicia: How did asking his age turn into asking him out?
Ashley: Just don't, he's so gross
Alicia: How's he gross?
Ashley: Not tellin'.

Like c'mon. Why couldn't she tell me? Oh, and repeat the bottom half of the conversation in caps for like.. thirty times after that.

I volunteered at Coal Tyee today, Diana (little buddy person) was all wanting to play frisbee, so we played frisbee. And basketball, and she's all, tarzana on the ropes. But back to the frisbee thing, being the sports inclined person that I am, when Diana threw it, higher then my head, I backed up, instead of letting it just fall on the floor. But to my dismay, Kyle jumped above my head in a graceful, yet painful (for him, he stumbled afterwards) leap and grabbed it from right above me. Scared me! He's all "I'ma jump off this sprinboard, over that mat, and grab that rope from your hand, and with my momentum, I'm going to hit the wall" and he did. Eek.

Joanne and Ashley are so pretty in their Grad photos.
Yep Yep.

I feel charming, it's alarming how charming I feeeeeeeeel.

I don't really like that song. But whatever.

And the World Came Crumbling Down.

I want fun.

passion.

romance.

companionship.

commitment.

honesty.

intelligence.

cleverness.

humour.

excitement.

The Book pt.1

dec 12th, 2005

Alicia: Here we are a little late I guess but it's the thought that counts. Everyone remembers the rules right? No, probably not. The main ones were always state your name before writing and always in pen, doesn't matter what colour.

Ashley: What the hell is this thing? A contract? What, are we in a cult now?

Alicia: Yeah, it's a cult. No, don't you remember the book last year? That saddens me greatly Ashely.

Ashley: No, I have no idea what your talking about. Thats a bit D-U-H! lol I heart saying that. Of course I remember last year. I was just trying to make a funny. Duh.

Alicia: Technically you didn't say anything, you wrote it. D-U-H <-- haha I stole your saying! Whatchya gunna do about it?
Ashley: This ..................... "Bitch"
Alicia: I spoke to Ian last night.
Emma: Who's this Ian person?
Ashley: yes, do speak of him ... or w/e. lol nm
Anecca: Is he your soon to be B/f?
Alicia: haha! I wish, he's adorable. but, he's american, short, and utterly bodacious.
Emma: Bodacious? good word. I know an american guy, but that has absolutely nothing to do with this.
Ashley: Is he the twin, if so, I call the other! SHOTTIE!
Anecca: I shottie his best friend
Alicia: Oh gawd, I'm showing him this! He'll laugh so hard.
Ashley, you can't have him, or his twin, especially if I can't. And technically, he isn't allowed to date anyways. Rotary says so.
Emma: Even though I have no clue who you guys are talking about, I say the rotary's stupid. (LAME COMMENT) >.<

Ashley: I don't give a damn.

Alicia: Yeah, the rotary is being rather silly, they still haven't called me to tell me where I'm going to stay for the year. others knew last week. Pick-up lines are so humourous. Emma, go online, I'll send you a photo, so you know who we're talking about. Though out of this group, I'm the only one who knows what he looks like.

Emma: Ok, maybe email it to me. That would be more convenient.

Ashley: Why am I talking now?

Alicia: I don't know but again, you didn't say a word. BAHHAHA!

Anecca: You can't have a long distance relationship it does not work. "zanzabar" lol "fuck her gently"

Alicia: Do I want to know why those three words/terms have a connection with Ian? Or what it means for that matter?

Ashley: It has everything to do with Ian. Thats a big d-u-h

Anecca: It's your pick up line, you say "f*ck me gently" LOL no joke!

Alicia: Oh gawd, what a pick-up line! Remind me to NEVER use that... EVER!

Emma: You guys are insane

Anecca: No! It's an awesome pick-up line and it works if you send me his email I'll show you!

Ashley: It's a sucky pick up line. Sure it works, but then he'll think you're a hooker, and thats a bad relationship

Alicia: I think he thinks I'ma tease, cause, I always say weird things, that make him all speechless. but hell no I ain't giving you his email! you'll corrupt him.

Emma: Women are teases. Period.

ashley : Emma, I would just like to congradulate you on your super awesome comment.


-another class-

well, the rest will wait for another day. Ya dig?

Happy Tuesday?

Yeah, so, last night was fun, with three people talking with me or at me, or ignoring me at once. In one conversation, then three others in three other conversations.

Though it was interesting to say the least.

AND, I got my internet priveliges revoked, so, at nine (like this is going to last long) I get booted off the computer, but unlike Cody, it's from a human voice, not a pre-programmed router.

It's a saturday.

It's been saturday all day. Go figure. Work was boring.

Here's an update.

I'm one of the tallest people in my "group" of friends. Except for the boys, almost all the boys are taller.
I'm messed up in that whole "relationship" thing. Boys were made to be friends, as were girls, I'm asexual.
I'm going to be an exchange student next school year, for either Japan or Thailand.
I'm random, because I like being so. I choose songs by using numbers parrallel to the first letter in the name listed. Then make friends randomly choose when I don't know what to listen to.
I was up till 3:30 am last night, and still managed to be hyper when I woke up at 7am for work. I blame it on Aaron's persuasiveness. Or lack thereof.
Accents are ultimately the coolest thing on the earth. effin' orgasmic. I assure you, it's a girl thing. But not all accents mind you. Just british, spanish, italian (DIFFERENT) and .. austrailian.
Dying my hair is becoming a habit. But I think I've settled on a colour. I like it.
I'm a klutz, and clumsy, or whatever else fits into that category.I fall up stairs, scrape my knees on invisible objects, find random scars, and slam fingers into doors repeatedly. Absent minded about limbs.
My mind moves too fast for my functions. I'm not able to type all I want to type fast enough, which makes me forget half of it.
If my mind gets bored, it starts day dreaming, whether I want it to or not.
I've had my webcam for christmas and just found out how to take pictures today.
I talk to my cats, and they talk back.
I ask forgiveness from walls and other such non living things when I run into them. Or I tell them off.
I'm really into photography, and architecture, and medicine, and psychology.
I figure if I study psychology long enough, I'll have no problem spelling all words with "psychsdhjjkdfh" in them. Because I have serious problems.
Apparently, I'm caramilk, and I have that whole "Quit with the bullshit" attitude. Go me.
I chicken out of things I shouldn't do that don't cause harm, and don't back down from things I should.
I'm contemplating becoming mute.
Which means I'd have to quit both choir and Jazz choir, but what's a few credits?
I'd be all like that kid a couple years back that just corresponded with emails, even to his parents.
I've been compared to Superman, and Aaron is unknowingly Spiderman. I informed him.
I like Aarons collar, a lot, it owns mine. But hey, I'll get it from him one day.
And apparently I have no friends that live close to me, or at least, no friends that feel like being friends at the current moment.
Anywho, I don't know what else to say other then... Update soon?