Vent he says.

So, I vent. Cody, this is your fault.

I hate you (not cody), but just for the moment.
But said moment has been at least a week.
It's not because you've done anything.
Which makes me seem more twisted then I really am.
So maybe I'm substituting hate for something else.
Like, miss, am annoyed at, or irritated with.
Those seem to work well. Though hate has more of an impact.

You're so fake it's astounding (not the first person, I'm venting).
You can see the lie ooze off around you.
It's sickening. You're sickening.

(Kay so every double space is a different person.)

I don't know why you looked at me either.
That makes two of us.
Confusion is a great thing right.
Yeah, no.
So stop it.

You, need to be online more. Because I said so.
And that should be a good enough reason.
Plus, you know, you make me laugh, a lot.
Not always with you, but you don't seem to mind.
So maybe it's always with you.

You've been on my mind lately. I don't like it.
Not negatively on my mind, or supremely positively.
Just like a presence. In the back of my mind,
That surfaces every once in a while. So not fair.
Not because I like you more then a friend or anything.
It's just like... "...-randomperson-" in my mind, which
makes me go all "..wtf?!" again, in my mind.

You're new, but not bad new. Quite different.
And out there. And odd. And crazy. But I love it.
Though I know there's something deeper that you're hiding.
What are you afraid to show?

Just One Of Those Nights...

So last night was just one of those nights. You know the ones, where everything seems not worth being done. Where just existing seems like a hard job. Existing in reality that is. It's suprisingly easy to exist without knowing which realm of your mind you are in... you know, perferred realities, the escapes from actual life. The kind of like where you don't have the problems you have today, however teenaged they seem to the rest of the "grown-up" world.

I don't want to grow up. Anymore then I already am, I assume, would be potentially catastrophic on my psyche. Maybe they should film it, seeing as the responsibilities I'm taking on in the next two years are astounding, overwhelming, and completely foreign to me. It'd make for a potentially interesting tale. But the struggle wouldn't, and won't be physical, but mental. It's always mental...

But back to last night. I was sitting there, well, laying would be a better term, seeing as I was on my bed. Balancing a mechanical pencil on my forehead, and then the bridge of my nose, thinking of people I was told to forget. Which is actually a suprisingly numerous and complex amount of people. Which, sort of brings me back to my first point. People try to forget, or escape, to avoid the pain of dealing with it, the assumed pain may I add, that they end up suffering more from it. And in the end, didn't avoid anything, just created more to try and avoid. The self realization.

Some people sit there wishing, hoping, or wondering if there is something more out there, something deeper, something more meaningful then what they have at that moment. And it brings the thought, why does one deserve something more? If said thing exists, is it really based on good deeds and luck? Or is life truly what you make of it?

Would you stop at no cost for true happyness? Or does others happyness come before yours? Even people you barely know? Is anyone truly satisfied with what they have? Or is the grass always greener on the other side?

Heck Yes

Emo boys are cute until they talk

Nickelback is like, a secret addiction of mine.

I painted my nails. I hate

having my nails painted, but it's the first

thing I do when I'm bored.

Nick Aegis is boring.

Spencer must pay, with his life.

Mr. Hot Emo Student Teacher is fun

to swoon at. But Ty is the best to swoon at.

*Must swoon at thought of Ty for all eternity*

Damn those foreign boys are fine.

(Ty= not foreign. Duh.)

Capp teacher is already

doing that "I'ma gunna

push alicia cause I know she

can take it" thingy.

I am going shopping with Lachance.

(Michy) Soon. It's a date. ;D

My math teacher is awesome

making things just mysteriously

disappear.

I got poked/prodded/nuzzled/groped/flicked

tooo much today. Nasty gremlins friends are.

(I swear I'm going to wake up tomorrow with bruises

all on my sides... )

That was the summarized version of today, time to catch up?

Friday-

School (Woot <3)>

Then Tinnion's all like "Find a reason to exit the stage; Rich I must apologize to you"

And I was all "What the hell? How rude of you to make it seem like you're implying that you have to apologize for our acting" in my head. Cause she's never done that to me before.

Turns out the bell was about to ring is all, but still!

So, then school out (No, that wasn't my only class, I just didn't like the other ones) and I get ready to go volunteering. So... blah blah blah happens and we get to Coal Tyee. soz, the principal goes up to us "mentors" and tells us most of our buddies are at the 5-7 (grades) dance. So we go find them, and we're like "...Kay, wtf do we do?" So then music comes on (cause they all sit on benches everytime a song ends cause it's a rule... wtf?) And I'm all like "fuck this, I hate this song, but I'm not just gunna sit here" So I made Chloe and Chantelle and Joyce (<3)>

( Wall o' Text on the notepad say what?)

So, then, I get bored of dancing the grade 7 shuffle (Stand there, sway from side to side... Damn rights you're cool) So we (Joyce, Chantelle and I) start swing dancing to like, really depressing music (Seriously, made Joyce's "buddy" cry. ) And then I got bored of their only dancing for half a song because they are afraid of their image in front of a bunch of people they don't know. So, I went up to some random grade 6-7 girl and asked her to dance. She danced with me.

So that right there, set the ball rolling, and I started dancing with the no-confidence-having kids.

Little did I know Kyle was doing the same thing. I seriously don't know why no one likes him. 'Cept leigh, but that's a whole nother story.

So after the dance, Kyle comes up to me, and he's all "I saw you dancing with the kids" and I'm all "Yeah.. so?" and he's like "Cool, I was too" .

So, then saturday I'm all barely awake at work, but that's ok, I had sugar. (Not coffee, butter caramel smoothie <333)>

So, after work, I go to my step sisters house. Pick up the twins and Wesley (twins : 18 days old, Wesley: 2 years) for the night.

So we took care of them all night, cause new borns don't sleep at times to fit my schedule.

Then Sunday (Ho mans, 3 days sp far) I wake up at 8 or so, (Couldn't get back to sleep :\) have a shower, get changed and then go and get Nicole and Katie. (With time wasting before then) for the choir concert in parksville.

So we drive (Well, stepdad drove; Katie and I rocked out, Nicole just smiled) to parksville and we're like, the first ones there 'cept for Monkey, whose mom works there, so he don't count.

Yadda Yadda Yadda.

More people come, prima youth choir (<33)>

music director splits up all the girls (alto's and soprano's) and makes us practice "Santo" <= Not the actual name of the song.

After that, he asks all the guys to go onstage.

Alicia starts laughing.

Extremely hot choir boy asks if she's laughing at them.

She says yes. (Duh <3)

So then they sing "Kedi Pompong"

AND DANCE! <333333333

Our choir boys looked shocked but they caught on quick enough... (they weren't warned)

Then the show starts, and Ballenas (?) anyways, one of their choir members in the top row faints or something (Falls of the risers).

There was a thud.

So she goes to the hospital.

funn......

Then Dover Girl, Nicole and I imitate the "Kedi Pompong" dance outside at intermission. Where all the prima youth choir (<33)>

Oh! That reminds me, had an interesting conversation about purple with Rich.

So then, (when we were outside) super hot choir boy is standing right behind me!

..GAH.

So then we become all stealthy and start talking about him while he's 2 feet away (Codenames biatch)

So that was an interesting day.

Monday:

Wake up, school already started, I have no voice, and like the meteor, I was all "well fuck that"

Went on the computer, started organizing music, played simgs (HOMYGAWD! :shock:)

went to chapters, got german things, and caffinated things (damn you starbucks) and went home.

Productive like Whoa mans.

Today: Got poked into oblivion.

Ben needs a reality check, and to be beaten up.

But not for the reasons I'm going to mention.

So he's all... super poking me today, and it wasn't the like, poking that doesn't hurt either. So I've got him and logan poking me at the same time while Halo is nuzzling her face into my breasts.

Zoinks, triple teamed.

So, I see Kyle (Previously mentioned Kyle) and I'm all "Kyle! Save me! Make them stop!"

So he does.

Spifftastic.

He poked Ben till ben went to punch him, cause ben can't take his own medicine.

(plus ben likes a girl and she likes kyle, though she's a tease and leads ben on)

So then there's class, and then lunch.

Where Spencer (Ty's little brother) double teams me with Logan (Again, more poking) and Cass just sits there laughing.

I forget how I made spencer leave, I think I just started poking him mercilessly whenever my hands were free (They had been taken hostage to prevent retaliation) So then he leaves, and Logan goes and gets a sub (Subway <3) hallway =" circle)">

And the teachers were giving us funny looks, but we weren't being mean, and there was pathways through that patch. So, we gain people till there is about 15 of us, sitting and laying on the ground and eachother.

So, Nick's mom (Like a hallway monitor person at lunch) made us leave :s

So, we crashed the native room. (Plays hiphop, cheap pop, comfortable couchs)

So, Courtney sits on a couch, I sit beside her, Logan sits on us, and Cassi sits in a chair beside us, cause she wouldn't join the pile, and the warning bell rang and logan wouldn't get off me, so I bit him, and pushed him off. That took effort.

Ha! I say.

After school we had choir where I was flicked and poked by Spencer (Again!!) and Nicole and Ashley... Evil.

That about raps up the past coupla' days.

Heck Yes.

Oh!

P.s. In the Japanese skit (For japanese class) My hobby is "Stalker"

P.P.S. Me = Hey! She just dissed him so some friend of his dissed her to get back at her

Joyce= How the hell do you know that?

Me = It's my job to know things

Joyce= You're creepy observant.

Me = I watch human behaviour, so what?

Joyce = See, like right there!

I am really mad.

And I don't know why.

I want to burn something

Or break something.

Or make a lot of noise.

I want to make someone care

about something,

defend it passionately,

challenge me.

I want a reason to be mad.

I want to yell, at someone,

and not face the consequences

that arise the next day.

The awkward silence,

the stumbled apologies.

I want to be able to make it

unmemorable, forget it ever

happened.

I want to be able to soothe the afterburn,

diminish the glowing ambers.

In short; I want to get mad,

explosive and loud

but I don't want to hurt anyone.

And I Thought I Was Normal

Well, no, I didn't. But
I didn't think I was such
an oddity as I'm turning out
to be. So far, to conform, I have
to become (Yus I made a list, I had
some, kay a lot (no homework) of
spare time on my hands):

Kay, So, I have to become (or do(n't) ):

Less awesome

Less considerate

More shallow (Is that even possible?

Ahaha, Sexy Beast)

Less polite

Less optimistic

More depressed

Stupider

Less family oriented

Less caring about friends

Less affected by people I care

about's emotions

Lazy-er (Lazier? More Lazy?)

Complain more

Not care about my grades

Not work (cause most don't work at my age)

Not volunteer

That's all I can think of right now.

Isn't that sad, I'm so void of

creativity right now, it's terrible.

But sarcasm is still flowing strong.

At least I have something left that

few can aquire to a certain extent.