Out of Focus, Into Me and You

Touch me fool, if you're allowed....
Well now, blunt lyrics.

I'm Aware, that all in love is fair, but that's no reason to make me feel this way.


So, haven't talked to my boy, since Thursday, dont expect to talk to him this week at all, seeing as his friends went up there, and I dont know how long they will be there, and apparently its a big holiday up there and he got the week off... A week. And he just started. That sounds fishy to me, but Im not going to say anything, you know? Its not my place to accuse him of perpetually lying.

Listening to FeFe dobson doesnt help the situation (check some of her lyrics off her first cd).

On my birthday, my mom told me that he wouldnt be my boyfriend if he was still here, and that the only reason we're "together" is so that I dont go find someone else while he's away.
Which, I think is partially true, whether he realizes it or not. But she didnt have to say that on my birthday. It made the rest of the night really shitty.
Plus, he didnt call, cause he thought my birthday was the next day (I know that cause he called and wished me a happy birthday the next day and I laughed and said "yeah, ok" and told him it was the day before and he freaked out. Mostly cause that was the one thing he promised not to screw up.) So, it made the night worse.

On thursday he cried. I dont know if he's acting and can just cry easily or if he actually misses me. Im hoping its the second.
Im too skeptical for my own good. Everything is percieved as fake emotion.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Living in my head, anyone would go crazy.

I want to learn guitar, I picked up my guitar a day that I was really missing him (he's the only one thats ever played that guitar) anywho, and the littlest string snapped. Fuck sakes.
I want to learn Fefe's songs. Lol. I want to learn to skateboard... I want to get mega fit...
But I've secretly got no ambition in this rut that Im in.
Im not even excited about school. Me, the social butterfly slash bookworm with a passion for learning and literature has no interest in it.
But I refuse to be a deadbeat. I just wish that I was an adult, done school, a certified nurse, with a house and a positive pregnancy test.
Isnt that creepy?

..Little red houses down under in my mind, got an 8x10 for ya to sign ...