Alicia Mercedes .... You get the drift.

I am so stressed.
I feel like puking.
I didnt get to sleep until 3.30 last night and I woke up at like 5.30 and have been up since.
I can't get Richard out of my mind and Im afraid of the reasoning.
I think he may of done something stupid last night.

And although I dont want to admit it, the idea of him with Emmilie makes me want to puke.

Some parts of me want to show him this post, when its done. I guess we'll see which part wins over in the end.

I haven't seen him since monday, technically tuesday morning. Tuesday daytime I had to go get an ECP. What boyfriend in their right mind wouldnt call their girlfriend when they know she has to go get one of these things? Apparently he wouldnt. I didnt hear from him until Thursday, when I called to say happy birthday to his mom. Only then did he ask. If I hadnt of taken the pill? It would of been to late by then. Idiot. Then he tells me that Friday he is going to stop by my work to say hi to me. Didnt happen. In the same sentence he tells me he will be spending a lot of time there this weekend cause I work all weekend. Well, I work four days in a row, two of them are already finished. He hasnt been there. We make plans to hang out today. Guess what? Not here. The jury is still out on whether he will show though.

I'm tired of being his girlfriend when he decides to have a girlfriend.
I'm tired of hearing from him/ seeing him once a week.
That isnt a relationship. That's more like a girl on the side.
I understand that his friends are important to him, but I dont seem to factor into that.

Whenever he says he loves me I want to laugh, cause I dont believe him.
That whole ... "Actions speak louder then words" thing makes a lot of sense to me,
And so far he's failing.

He told me last time, (Last sunday, actually.) That if he fucked up again, he'd stop hurting me, he'd walk out of my life forever and leave me alone.
Yeah, cause thats the way to *stop* hurting me.

I just cant believe that that was last week and he's already fucking up again.
Usually you play the sorry attentive boyfriend when you've just had a falling out, non?

I think Im going to take a break from the boy.
I basically am already, only seeing him once a week.

Edit:

I called him. at 11.

I was like "So, so much for waking up at 9 eh?" and he was like "What?" I was like "So you dont remember?" and he was like, thinking, aloud, all like "What am I forgetting today? What is the importance of today" and I was like... "There is nothing important, we were just supposed to hang." and he was like ... "I dont remember. "
And I was like "Well, whatever." And he was like "Well, I gotta work in a half an hour anyways" (When he told me thursday he had today off.) And I was like "Kay" and he was like "Oops" And I was like "Have fun at work then" and hung up.
He hasnt called me back.